I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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