Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
