he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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