I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
