Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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