I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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