you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
