i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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