I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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