i barfeds in our rink
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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