My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize