it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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