I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
