you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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