On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
