I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
