You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
