Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
