that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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