An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
