I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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