If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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