Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize