i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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