You smell like a Billy Joel song
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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