just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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