I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
