Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
