do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
