Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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