that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
