i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
