I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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