Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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