Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
