i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
