I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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