I think I died a long time ago.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Couch. On fire.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize