He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize