A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
