There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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