I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
