Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
