So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
