I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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