Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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