There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize