Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
