Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
