Pappa wants mamma naked
She said her name was "party"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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