I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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