stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
