My first STD was from a foam party
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
