**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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