Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
