just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
