Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
