You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
