I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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