dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
