someone get that fucking seahorse.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
