dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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