Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
our cab driver is having phone sex.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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